Life Philosophy

Why Is Life Hard?

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Everyone has asked this question at one time or another. Actually, probably dozens of times. I know I have. It’s natural I suppose. When things aren’t going well we tend to focus on our own specific situation rather than having a larger vision. I lost my job several months ago. The world suddenly changed and there was no future – at least for a while. At first, I failed to see the bigger picture and all of the good around me. It took some time but I eventually came around.

Years ago as a teenager, I had a close friend with a terminal illness. She knew she was going to die and it was just a matter of months – or a possibly years. We visited my minister as she had some questions about life, and death. She asked the question, “Why does God let bad things happen?”

It was a long time ago but the minister said something like this, “Well, that is a very difficult question to answer. Many people have different theories. I’ve always looked at it like this: How would you know hot if you didn’t know cold? How would you know happiness, if you didn’t know sadness? If you didn’t have bad experiences – you would not know what good experiences are. We experience bad things sometimes – and those experiences make us value and enjoy the good experience that much more.”

That’s always stuck with me.

I think the answer could also be framed around not why it’s so hard – but more as to, “How do you respond to those hard moments?” 

When challenges are presented – whatever they are – a choice has to be made. Do you give up? Do you wallow in the moment? Do you become consumed and focussed on the negative?

OR

Do you focus on this is where you are and you know where you want to be so DAMN IT, I WILL GET THERE!!!! What do I need to do to accomplish my goals and objectives then you set out and make it happen?!?!?!

Yup – feeling a bit philosophical tonight. This too shall pass!

Take care all. Know where you want to be and make it happen. Bumps along the way are just that – bumps.

Rourke

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13 Comments

  1. LargeMarge says:

    Can you rephrase that as an ‘I’ statement?
    An example might be:
    “I think my life is hard for me.”
    I think the well-known secret to well-being is changing thinking to fit the solution instead of focusing on the problem.
    The problem is temporary, the solution is long-term.

    Reply
  2. goinggray58 says:

    WE all develop different coping mechanism, and they suit us.. it’s pretty individual since no two people are alike. You can basically group them in to two piles constructive coping mechanisms and destructive ones. Each along a continuum of effectiveness. Those work to toss of the daily chronic crap that each of us has to deal with. If it’s based on bad decisions, then decision-making needs to change etc..
    People never really see themselves accurately, because their SELF image is a construct that allows them to be who they are.. and change is hard no matter who you are, no matter how necessary it is. Talk to someone, good friends (not the dependent ones or the abusive ones). If you can’t think of any, then go make some new ones, which is part of why our community works. IMO
    Then there are the big things (anything you woudl classify as NOT being a crappy little thing), since you define what is important to you.
    Death of a loved one, loss of a partner, loss of a job, an unexpected betrayal (since you can only be betrayed by people you trust), and any number of things might fall into that category. The big ones are harder because of their inherent importance to us. IMO you go through a sort of process associated with grief..
    The 5 stages of grief and loss are: 1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance. People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them. Look them up for suggestions about how to overcome them, I’m not in position to give medical advice, nor should I here.
    In many cases men and women exhibit them differently, as well as individual differences. The faster you move through the phases the quicker you can move forward. Some personalities find it hard to set it down and let it go.. I am one of those, so I use mechanisms that work for me.. no they are not always constructive. So sue me I’m human.
    Some easily communicate their feelings some don’t.
    From my side, being there to listen and not try to fix things has always been important. (Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus). Both giving and receiving. Something about sharing it provides a pressure relief valve.. That said it takes as long as it takes. Some paths are short and straight, while others wind and take longer. The point it to not give up on the journey. I’ve been taught tot compartmentalize, so you can function instead of freeze up or be otherwise debilitated. It works to a degree, until you accidentally or deliberately peel a lid off a box.. Just FYI .. done that too..
    The last thought for now anyway .. is that this stress can literally make you physically ill, if you let it wind in and stay a permanent part of you. Deal with it however and whenever you have to. It’s not shameful to ask for help at times.. IMO also
    have a good one gang
    GG58

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  3. John Hancock says:

    I grew up with my step dad telling me when I said I can’t he would say I don’t understand, or I don’t know what that means, to my 4 year mind it was confusing to say the least, later he would say I can’t never did do anything, I don’t know “I can’t” over the years I stop saying I can’t, or it’s to hard, or anything that resembled an excuse, excuses weren’t allowed, I had no ideal at that time what he was teaching me and how far I would go because of that man, he taught me with tough love and ass whooping, if a kid bullied me and I let it happen the teacher would tell him and I was punished with the belt, these liberal trophy givers of today would LOSE THEIR MINDS if someone done that today, yet it’s made me unstoppable in life… I do not fail, if I want something I go get it period, now I’m not saying I’m all riotous Superman, complacency has most certainly taking its toll in my like as well as bouts of depression and divorce, I’m am very far from perfect I know, but I never doubt myself or what I can do if I truly want it, nothing can stop me.

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  6. Vi says:

    @john Hancock I grew up with a mum the similar as your step dad. I was the only girl surrounded by boys , cousins , neighbours. Lots of them were bullies. You learned quick to stay up for yourself, be quicker, fight harder and not to give up, even if you were pulling yourself up of the ground, you kept going. Before long you were too much work and left alone.

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  7. John Hancock says:

    👍🏻 Fantastic way to grow up, no sugar coating it, it DOES YOUR CHILDREN A GREAT INJUSTICE to be soft on them, all great leaders I think would agree, the amazing part of my step dads story is he couldn’t read or write, he dropped out of school in the second grade his family needed help on the farm growing food, but I still consider him one of the wisest people I’ve ever known, they were true “mountain people” they lived off the land and in the mountains off the grid and survived off of the brawl of their own sweat after the coal mines cheated them out of their land, he never had much and was very comfortable raising us off grid, we did have power, but I’m telling you the gods honest truth when I say it powered the light bulbs and that was it period, wood stove coal fireplace I drew the water from the well when I was old enough, our first house my mom would hike in the water from the spring a mile away where we bathed, you know I must have been in serious trouble when as a three year old I still remember the trouble I got into when I dropped that soap! Water was fast moving and very cold even in summer..but that’s another story all together.

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  8. vandal67 says:

    Roman’s 5:3-4 – Suffering will test and build our charterer. Not only that, but we should rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope, And hope does not disappoint, because God has poured out His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. I know, not always easy to do.

    I think God has 3 answers to prayer: yes, no, & wait.

    God does not always give us what we want, but He will give us what we need.

    Reply
  9. Vi says:

    @john Hancock wow, my mum wasn’t like that, more like taught me how not to be. I’m firm with my kids and have a strong routine and I tell it like it is. They don’t complain when told no they can’t have an item because we are saving to get us in a better position . I do however give them my time and lots of outdoor adventures, which they love more than the things.
    I’ll never raise a hand , belt , item etc etc, it’s not needed my kids are amazing , having their autism shows me a new way to look at this everyday, it’s darn hard work but they are worth it. Although my childhood was hard , I wouldn’t change it for anything, I know how to deal with real pain, push through , make something out of nothing and have me a love of the outdoors and how to survive with next to nothing over extended periods.

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  10. John Hancock says:

    Hi again Vi,
    Yes the ways of the past aren’t without there faults I agree, and if you put the effort and WORK in will agree a belt is Absolutely not needed, few however understand the amount of time it takes to cover what I’m referring to as work, I respect your choices fully, but must point out that time is a luxury, something this generation must understand before they pass judgment on the one before it is that they actually worked 10 to 16 hour days depending on the season to make sure we had food, sometimes the luxury of “time” is not afforded to you to do such as as go to school for example, we’ll use my step father as a example if you’d like, if he would have went to school then him and his family probably wouldn’t have had their meal for that day, yes you read correctly when I said meal, it’s singular not three, myself I was lucky my school bus driver lived three miles away and if I walked to her house I’d get to school on the first of two loads, I got time to eat school breakfast, AND I got lunch! I was truly blessed ABOVE all the other kids who arrived on the second load, there was only one bus, and as far as time to spend with my parents, when I got home from school my brother and I worked until dark, then we had to do our homework before dinner, after dinner we all shared the same bath water based on seniority of course, I was the youngest, never made since that I tbe person that drew that water up 40 ft from the bottom of that well one gallon at a time had to go last in my young mind, believe me I grumbled this to myself many many times, but at that age I didn’t think about my older brother out splitting the logs for the firewood my mom used over that wood stove heating that water up one gallon at a time either. My very long winded point is we enjoy the easiest most technicality advanced society that this world as ever seen and many people of yesterday’s generation could not afford even the most simplest of all things given to by god himself such as “time” so don’t judge my stepfather to harshly, he gave me everything I needed and then some to survive what’s coming…. I hope we can all do that, but I think the kids who got the soft easy way with their participation trophy will be feeding the hungry by week three of what I’m prepping for….

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  11. John Hancock says:

    @Andel67 reply button not working for me but I wanted to comment Amen to what you saying, I didn’t always understand the words you just wrote in fact must of my young life I would be either to ashamed to talk about my humble beginnings or referenced it with distain or talk about it as a handycap but even back then as I learned to talk about my past with people my own age ( most of my life I was more comfortable talking to people three times my age, they could relate to my upbringing and shared stories in common) by my mid 20s there was a change in my stories as I became more confident (before that I think most people thought I exaggerated about how different I grew up but part of that was me being embarrassed and uncomfortable sharing such intimate details about my what I thought at the time embarrassing life) as I grew older and told more story to more people I realized I keep telling people about my past because it was what I was realizing at that time some of the best and most rewarding years of my life, now I look at my past and realized how truly blessed I was, god gave me everything I needed, and I was happier without all the modern day technology… strange to think that when I was young I couldn’t wait to leave that farm and now that I’m older I’ve spent just as much if not more time dreaming of getting my own homestead… life is indeed a peculiar thing, always wanting what we don’t have while taking for granted what we actually need, life without money was a far more rewarding adventure in my experience.

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  13. John Hancock says:

    Hi @Vi
    No no offense taken, I really enjoyed our talks, I thought it very good, and I totally agree with your thoughts. 😊 just sharing thoughts and ideals with you.

    Reply

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